Sunday, February 6, 2011

It's that time of the year again..2010 in film - Part 1

Aah, this is it, the big one, the long awaited (for those who know me of course). Ladies and gentlemen I present to you a complete break down (in the humble opinion of yours truly) of the cinematic quality in 2010.
For a year filled with sequels, bad adaptations, sub-par star vehicles and some terrible 3D, it felt great to see some truly great work. Of course there were rotten eggs, some worse than rotten eggs, and some films which truly made you feel like clawing your eyes out. Surprisingly the latest in the Twilight saga wasn't that bad. Of course the three main characters are dumb and irritating, but the supporting actors weren't half bad, and there was some decent direction. Though of course, after the bad experience of 2009 (Transformers 2 anyone?) I decided to read the reviews of most films before I went to watch them. Of course curiosity did get the better of me once in a while, and hence here's the list of some terrible, terrible films. I'm warning you, do not watch them!

5) Sex and the City 2: Wasn't a fan of the show, disliked the first film, and couldn't show my face to anyone after seeing this one. This wasn't even a movie, just a 100 minute compilation of the worst women oriented television shows in history. So apparently it turns out that the middle-aged women go to Abu Dhabi for some sort of vacation, someone gets arrested for making out in public, something, something, some Arab dudes. And apparently women empowerment means dressing fashionably. Go figure!

4) Clash of the Titans: I wish they had attempted to make a spoof, because it surely would have worked that way. But since it was an attempt at a dramatic fantasy, it crumbled into tiny bits and pieces of Greek shit. There was no coherent story, sub-par special effects, weird music and the acting seemed as if each of the actors had been turned to stone by Medusa's ugly head. Thank god I didn't see it in 3D, 'cause I hear its even worse with that. Honestly, I don't know how.

3) The Tourist: A romantic thriller starring Johnny Depp and Angelica Jolie, how it can be bad? Well it's probably the most boring film I've ever seen. Forget the cliches, and the absolutely predictable storyline, the director managed to make every single scene in the movie mind-numbingly dull. Right from roof-top chase, to the ones in the boat, everything was yawn inducing. And I've had better chemistry with my shoe, than the actors had with each other.

For the number one position I couldn't decide between the following:-

The Last Airbender: I truly believe that in the future, this film will be shown to film students to learn how not to make a film. Directing, acting, writing, plot, screenplay, dialogs, all these were missing. There was no coherent plot. Instead of exploring the characters, our dear M. Night Shyamalan, made them say the story instead. Yes, they literally spoke the story. The acting was non-existent, and the dialogs made you weep in your seat. There were times when it actually felt like there was no director, rather a cameraman going mad. Okay so the visual effects weren't bad, though I'd rather watch a sound a light show.

Skyline: I mean seriously what the f***? This movie failed to meet even the extra-low, rock bottom bar of expectations that I had set for it. The effects were decent, especially considering the budget was 10 million, but what the hell happened to everything else? This is the worst alien invasion movie and the worst sci-fi movie I've ever seen, and I've seen Transformers 2.

Of all the godforsaken films coming out last year, these two were the only films where every scene was painful. I actually thought my brains would leak out by the end of it.

Special Jury award: Grown Ups (stand-up comedians in their worst act yet)

Now that this is out of the way (I'm pretty sure I'm going to get nightmares about them), I can go on to write about the great films which came out last year. In a couple of years, theres a good chance I might say after 1994 (Pulp Fiction, The Shawshank Redemption, Forrest Gump) 2010 had the best films. But since this part requires a lot more thinking, lets say its 'coming soon'.
Patience dear, the best is yet to come.

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